submitted by Jim Styer, Battle Creek, MI
I compiled these from various sources, primarily Harmonet, and sorted
alphabetically to try to catch duplicates. There are 60 here, one for
each week and another 8 for special holidays!
Agony in the TeePee (or, The Pain Was In Tents)
Better to have loved a short girl, than never to have loved a tall.
Black is the Color of My Love's True Hair.
Don't Cut through the Wheatfield, Granny, You're Going Against the Grain.
Don't Go Through the Screen Door, Mother, You'll Only Strain Yourself.
Every time we throw a party, she beats me to the punch.
Get down to the railroad tracks, Mother, and find your father some ties.
Head to the roundhouse, Nellie; he can't corner you there.
I can row a boat, canoe?
I don't want to set the world on fire, I just want a little heat
in the car.
If I had a nose full of nickels, I would sneeze all my nickels achoo.
I found a Cadillac of a woman, driving a Ford pickup.
I've got a rose between my toes from walkin' barefoot through
the hothouse to you, pretty baby
I Got Tears in My Ears from Lyin' on My Back in My Bed while I Cry
Over You. (A real song)
I Had an Apartment Up Front and She Had A Flat Behind.
I loved my wife for her nickels until I found the maid's quarters.
I met her at the Laundry, but she left with the Tide.
I put a bar in my car and now I'm driving myself to drink.
I took my girl out in the cornfield and kissed her between the ears.
I Used To Kiss Him On The Lips But It's All Over Now
I used to play the trombone, but then I heard it slide.
I Want A Girl Just Like the Baghdad Had.
I wanted to fill my sister's girdle but I just didn't have the guts.
I Was in Love With a Girl With a Wooden Leg, But We Broke it Off
(a.k.a: Peg O' My Heart).
I'll never forget what's her name.
I'm so miserable since you've been gone, it's almost as if you were here.
If you can't get an upper berth in Hawaii, you can always get aloha.
If you were the only girl in the world, you would probably be my sister.
I'm going to miss you if you go, but if you stay I won't.
It was wine, women and song that made our life so rich, but now its
Metrocal, same old gal and "sing along with Mitch."
I wouldn't take you to a dog fight, even if I thought you could win
Let me call you sweetheart, because I can't remember your name.
Bar song: Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.
My grandfather wore long underwear, but he kept his trap shut.
My mother had water on the knee, and that's why she always wore pumps.
Never Hit Your Grandma With A Shovel (It Makes a Bad Impression
on Her Mind). (A real song)
Old London song: I had her in the fog and myst
She got the Gold Mine, and I got the Shaft.
She was only a gin maker's daughter, but I loved her still.
She was only a mortician's daughter, but anyone cadaver.
She was so ugly, she made my cat bark!
Show me a home where the buffalo roam, and I'll show you a messy house.
There's No Gettin' Over You So Get Up And Answer The Phone.
They can lock me up for loving you, but they can't keep my face
from breaking out
They can't play poker in St. Louis anymore, because the cards are
When Banana Skins Are Falling, I'll Slide Right Back to You. (A real song)
When it's Apple Blossom Time in Orange, New Jersey, We'll Make a Peach
of a Pair.
When they operated on Dad, they opened up mother's male.
When we saw Grandma lying on the floor, we knew she was off her rocker.
When you were eight and I was nine, we were 17.
While I was out jogging, she was a-runnin' around on me.
Won't you go home for Christmas, so I can have a happy New Year.
Woodpecker's Nightmare: I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
You broke my heart and stomped that sucker flat
You can't pin anything on a nudist.
You done ripped out mah heart, and stomped that sucker flat!
You're prettier than a new set of snow tires.
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